Nice, right? No. Dumb. Because I crashed right after that and the guy passed me. He sits up, feels lame, and then sees me crash. Do his competitive juices kick back in, or does he feel some sort of pity? It shouldn’t matter. In the last part of the race, never quit. It’s cyclocross. Anything can happen.

Gasping, I still had his wheel as we crested the “hill” and turned into this narrow muddy section that flattened out. I pulled up next to him trying to find a line. I felt like if I could establish inside position coming into the last turn, I’d have a chance.

As I pull up next to him, he says, “I can’t hold you off any more. I’m done.”

I punched it. I mean, I jumped out of the saddle and sprinted, because I was absolutely on the ropes. I figured me jumping like that would dispirit him, and that was A-OK by me. If he had any idea how much he’d hurt me on that little hill, he would’ve found another 5 seconds of effort. And that was literally about how much it was: 5 seconds to round the corner, turn onto the pavement, and then 20 yards to the finish line.

But if my season ended on that, I’d be happy. Because having someone just *fold* like that after chasing them was awesome. (Note: I just realized that I’m super excited about barely beating someone who is nearly 50. Kinda takes a bit of the excitement out of it. Ah well.)

Backing up a bit, the course at Edgefield was crazy. Paul described it best: it was like someone had seen a video of a cyclocross race, and put in the nuttiest features they could. There were two impossible-to-ride run ups, and a third with the weather. There were about four others that were too tough to ride because the grass and mud were too slick. One of the crazier run ups was so torn up and steep, everyone was looking for footholds and handholds.

It was a hilly course, and that’s usually REALLY bad for me. But today, most of the uphill needed to be run. And it was so hard that everyone was kinda intimidated by it. Whatever it was, I eked out 20th out of 43. Woo-hoo! Top half! And Paul got 8th! A top 10!

The last two laps I was going back and forth with these two guys. One guy crashed going over this curb-barrier combo. He’d really started to fade, though, so I think I could’ve beat him. The other guy had a few seconds on me at that point, and I made up time in a series of tight turns, then caught him on a slick downhill with a fearless (read: stupid) bit of descending. From there, it set up the great finish.

One key thing I learned? I can steer the bike better in the drops than I can in the hoods. Especially in sharp, muddy corners. I think it has to do with two things: my weight being more over my front wheel gives the bike more ability to hold the line. And my arms aren’t locked out the way they are when I’m on the hoods, which means I can steer without adjusting my center of gravity as much.

And then after the race, things were super. We hung out and drank beer. We got lunch. We sat around the fire pit. We ate pumpkin pie that Amanda brought. Oh, and I got a Garmin Edge 500 from Amanda and the Muddy Iguanas for my birthday, and I’m SUPER excited about trying it. I think I’m gonna have to start taking my bike in to ride at lunch!

So, on the whole? Perfect. Edgefield is a great venue with the restaurants and everything there. I don’t think it can get too much larger — there’s really not enough parking or staff. But this year, it was absolutely perfect.

It was exacerbated by the fact that Lo was throwing up all week last week. Like, literally every night she’d vomit the entire contents of her stomach all over Amanda or I. But mostly Amanda. And she had maybe one good night of sleep, which meant we (read: Amanda) had pretty much zero nights of good sleep. (Hell, I was just standing around at a stupid tradeshow all week. Whee!)

So we thought there’s no way she’ll rally for Bend. Let’s just stay in and sew all weekend. But Thursday night she ate and slept and woke up like a million bucks. So we decided we’d go.

The first night in Bend was great. She was a delight. The folks we stayed with adored her and brought out all these old toys. There was much laughing and cooing. The first day at the race was super-fun, too.

But the second night, the wheels just fucking came off. Up every hour. Crying intensely. Waking up screeching. Very little sleep. Then we lost our car keys, which threw race prep and costume prep out the window. Expectations? Yeah, I don’t even know why we bother with them.

I’m typically a pretty organized and hup-hup sort of person, especially away from home. Keep things dialed in, have a plan, get places early, fold my clothes, do the dishes.

There was none of that this weekend. Laurel was all-consuming for Amanda and I, especially in combination with the races and costumes. Help with dishes? Ha! I’m trying to keep my daughter from destroying your living room. Help with dinner? Please, I’m making a bottle and trying to stop her from screeching like a banshee so maybe we can get some sleep tonight. Our hosts were the most gracious and kind folks EVER, and Jimmy and Annie were incredibly helpful. We could not be more lucky.

Still, I felt oddly helpless. And this quote (found by Amanda) about parenting explains a lot, I think:

I was having a conversation with a friend who had recently become a parent, and she reminded me of something I had forgotten about since my daughter was born. She was describing this what-have-I-done feeling – I just got everything perfect in my life, and then I went and messed it all up by having a baby. I don’t feel that way anymore, but the thought certainly crossed my mind a few times at the beginning. Eventually you just fall in love and forget about everything else, but it’s not a very comfortable transition. I compare the process to becoming a vampire, your old self dies in a sad and painful way, but then you come out the other side with immortality, super strength and a taste for human blood. At least that’s how it was for me. At any rate, it’s complicated.

This season with cyclocross has been watching the old me die, and the new me emerge. I like the new me. I’m way more focused. There’s way less drama. I am tireless. I will go toward that light in a race. I am fearless with my efforts. I will dig deeper and push harder than I ever knew I could.

The old me? All the stuff surrounding racing and a job and our relationship and travel? It would’ve been easier. We really did have things all figured out. That’s the part that’s hard: knowing that the other stuff could’ve been so much easier without Laurel.

But then we wouldn’t have Laurel. And on balance, that would’ve been a tragedy.

From CodingHorror.com

The post from Coding Horror reminds me very much about the way I related parenthood to a friend a while back. When I coached swimming, dealing with beginners forced me to break down into tiny segments all the things I’d learned and repeated a bajillion times. Pushing off the wall, streamlining, arm and shoulder position, calculating intervals. Teaching all those little things helps me re-learn them, and do them right myself. Having a baby makes me a better human because I get to re-learn everything. I get to consciously re-experience things that I learned, hard-wired, and forgot during those first four years.

HUP HUP! Over the barriers, Tubby!

I had a good last Blind Date race. Not great, just good. I tried some of the things I said I would, like riding the first lap like it was the third lap: fast and confident. That ended up back-firing, as I lost control in this really soft spot and shot wildly off-course. I was about three spots ahead of my teammate at the time, and by the time I got back on course, I was 10 spots behind him. It took me a lap to work through traffic to pass him again.

But after that, things went really well. I put in some longer sustained efforts, which was something I’d been thinking about subconsciously for a little while.

I think many times this season, I put the hammer down, and then instantly go into recovery mode. In cycling, that doesn’t work. You have to sprint, then keep up a hard pace for a while. At PIR this weakend, I passed people in all the technical sections and over the barriers, only to have them pass me 100 yards later.

A sustained effort is a subtle difference, but in practice, it meant a good hard effort for, say three or four features lasting 3-4 minutes. And then I’d recover sitting on a wheel until I was ready for my next surge. And the thing was: I didn’t need to recover very long last night.

I tried a few other simple tricks, too, like looking all the way up the hill, rather than just staring blankly ahead. That helped me gauge how long I needed to stay on the gas.

Between staging at the back — which is all I deserve this season — and my foray off-course, finishing 46th out of 79 is OK. Not great, but good.

Oh and this being my final Blind Date this season (I have to travel next week), the course was about as dark as I could take it. It was so hard to see some of the sections. But it really proved to me that I could let the bike “flow” more than I often do. Of course, it was also dry tonight with good traction; I’m not sure how well I’d let it flow on a super muddy, slick, wet course.

And I nearly forgot: Amanda and Lo came out with me. On the second lap, Amanda yelled at me: “THROW THE HAMMER!” I was like, “huh? You mean like Thor? That’s an odd cheer.” And I seriously puzzled over it for a minute. We laughed pretty hard when we got home, and started making up other nonsensical cheers:

• MUNCH THE SAILBOAT!
• TACKLE THE ANTELOPE!
• KICK THE MUD!

Next year I might race single speed — it’s a longer race. But then again, if I put in the training to upgrade, maybe I’ll race C’s again to get some extra points. Time will tell.

Up next: ultra flat and fast Washington County Cross Crusade. Hoo boy.

Things I’ve Tried:

Thanks to the Jens Voigt Army for the photo

• Looking 10 yards out instead of at my wheel. This works especially well for me on off-camber sections. I don’t get worried about sliding out, and I pedal smoothly.
• Eating a gel before a race. This has not caused me any problems whatsoever. And unlike short track, when I’d finish races with weird chills, I’ve been fine at the end of all my ‘cross races.
• Not eating a gel before a race. I did that this weekend at PIR, and I definitely felt weaker at the end of the race.
• Go balls to the wall in the first lap. I focused on this at Blind Date #3 and PIR. I think it worked better at Blind Date than it did at PIR, but the fields were also smaller.
• Ride the first lap like the third lap. This means be confident in all corners, in all off-camber sections. I’ve *tried* this, but I can’t say I’ve been successful with it.
• Run a low tire pressure. Done it. Love it. Felt great. Fabulous traction.
• Look up, not down, on a run-up. Silly thing, but I run way faster if I’m chasing someone. So I don’t look at my feet, I chase someone ahead of me.
• Shoulder the bike, rather than push it. I feel faster when I shoulder my bike. Pushing it always seems like a trudge.

The first race was awful. The course has a lot of loose dirt on it, much like the CCX course at Sherwood that I disliked so much. And my balance was crazy — not left and right balance, but fore and aft. I’ve discovered recently how important it is to think as much about weighting yourself front and back in the corners. Also, the course was super rutted, and I stupidly ran my tires with too much pressure. I didn’t rattle my teeth out, but I did get 58th out of 70. Ouch.

Since then, it’s gotten a little better each week. My placings have gone:

• 58
• 50
• 42
• 34

I’ve learned to push as hard as I dare early on, because my bike handling gets more confident as the race goes on. And also, the first lap is impossible to make up any time. I’ve learned to trust the bike a little more, and that running my tires at 50 PSI won’t cause an instant pinch flat (but will reduce the fatigue in my arms and jaw). Next year I might invest in either a mountain bike, or maybe at least some fatter tires. Ha!

Anyway, tonight is the last night. I’m sure it’ll be competitive, and I don’t know if I’ll improve this last night because I’m still sore from a workout I did last week. But it’s been a blast, and I feel totally ready for ‘cross season to start.

Sunny and hot. Went up and over Turner and Mountain roads, then had my first battle with Pete’s Mountain road. Hard. Steep. Plus I was running very low on water, and all the mega-mansions up there have gates. So no illicit tapping of the garden faucet for me.

Anyway, it was abou a five hour ride. Epic. Hilly. Hot. I’m still slightly sunburned on my arm. It’s a scar I’ll wear with pleasure.

Since then, I haven’t ridden much. But I have been swimming. That has been marvelous as well, if only because Portland has been in the middle of a Global Warming inspired heat wave. And our AC is dead.

If there’s one thing I need to work back into the rotation, it’s hitting the gym. My shoulders and back have been bothering me, and the cure is quite obvious.

But I have one more day of swimming ahead of me: tonight, I’m swimming up at Klineline Pond in Vancouver. My first open water swim in a while. With luck, it’ll be fun. Without any luck at all, it should be nice and cool!